Fixer or fighter? by Jeffrey Greenberg

If you are thinking about a divorce ask yourself this question.  Do you want to approach your divorce as a Fixer or a Fighter? There are valid reasons for either choice. Consider the following when making your decision.

Our legal system is designed as an “adversarial system”. It is for fighters. Opposing facts and claims are gathered and tested in a public forum—the courtroom. Each spouse has their own advocate whose ethical rules require them to act as a “zealous advocate”. An experienced third person (the Judge) listens to the advocates, clients, and witnesses. The Judge evaluates the information that each advocate has offered. The Judge makes a final decision for the clients about the outcome of their divorce.

This system works.

But its pitfalls can be harsh. The process can take months or years, there may be several acrimonious costly court hearings, and can have a significant emotional and psychological impact on the clients and their families. You may decide that you need to be a Fighter. That could be a necessary choice for you. If not consider, being a Fixer.

Mediation is an informal process for people who choose to be Fixers. An experienced divorce lawyer acts as your neutral guide. They are your Mediator. The spouses gather information about their finances, children, and other issues to be resolved. The Mediator guides you through that process. You and the Mediator review the family’s information and discuss your options. The Mediator guides you through these conversations offering ideas geared at compromise.

If you participate as a “Fixer”, you can reach an agreement. Remember that being a Fixer also means that you stand up for yourself. You insist on the timely exchange of required information, but this work is done in a non-adversarial environment. Mediation can still be frustrating and stressful, but you will work through those issues minimizing combative behavior. When you are successful, you will have an agreement that you designed for you and your family. No Judge dictates your outcome. The process costs less because you share the Mediator’s fees with your partner and because the overall process is typically shorter and less stressful. Mediation is work—but it is a Fixer’s work.

Jeff Greenberg is a family law attorney with over 30 years of experience and is CMMA’s family law mediator specialist. Please contact Jeff at jgreenberg@cmmaadr.com or info@cmmaadr.com.